I spotted Mom reading on her bed and started jumping on it like I did when I was little...

Mom: "What do you want?" (out of petulant annoyance)

(Stops jumping.)

Ryan: "Nothing."

(I lie down on the other side of the bed.)

Mom: puts the Bible down onto her lap, turning her head towards me "You just want to bug me."

Ryan: (smirks) "You're the reason for living in a sense. Isn't that nice?"

I was just telling Mark I couldn't watch flash at work...

Ryan: "If only porn was in html5...someone's gonna be rich."
Mark: "Or braille...someday..."

I miss my mom

It was lunch time and she just returned from a trip. My mom looks into the fridge and asks...

Mom: "Son, did you make this sauce?"

(I've made plenty.)

Ryan: C'mon, Mom. You could be more specific. "Which one?"

(She pulls a bowl of sauce and shows me from a distance.)

Ryan: (smiles) "Sauce in a rice bowl? Sure, I've made one of those!" ...along with many others :P

Mom: "I think you put too much seasame oil in this one."

Ryan: "It's either 'too much' or 'too little' coming from you. You're a hard woman to satisfy."

(...though there are some good things about her pessimism. :P)

(Mom pouts and then shows her teeth at me out of petulant annoyance. )

Creeper

"Joe": happy birthday ryan =]
youngdragon144: yea, i heard you the first time
"Joe": how old today?
youngdragon144: 23
"Joe": oooh, legal
youngdragon144: up yours
"Joe": whoa u top too?!
"Joe": <3<3<3
youngdragon144: i also provide castration services along with my escorting
"Joe": dude so hot
"Joe": count me in
youngdragon144: and chloroform rags as a bonus
"Joe": eff yeah
youngdragon144: why you always gotta bring up sex?
youngdragon144: we're just talking, ("Joe"). if it comes up, it's not my fault