Highlights of my recent weekend

Friday: Spent 2 hours picking up my dog's poop in the backyard...hey, it's just what I do for fun...whenever I'm hungry...and locked out of the house. So basically, I was washing my parent's car and I usually leave my keys in the Prius whenever I'm pumping gas or washing it, knowing it doesn't lock me out, but when you have a 2003 Camry, fun stuff happens...and humbleness can inspire you to lead a better life.

Saturday: I had Korean bbq with Melchor. So, he and I have our own level of "decent conversation"...which involves exchanges of dick jokes and idle threats. So we went to Korean bbq and I noticed the new beard he was growing for 2 weeks and I asked, "Hey I like your beard...so how long did it take you to transplant your pubes to your chin?" He goes, "Wanna die?" I replied with a smirk, "People shouldn't threaten me with a good time."

Monday: I also didn't bring a spare change of clothes for the UNEXPECTED rain. Yesterday was high 80s.

With James

Ryan: :"How's french class going?"
James: "Stopped for a week to study for my midterms, but so far its going good now that I picked it up again
Ryan: "Cool."
James: "Labor relations and business law took priority. (laughs)"
Ryan:  "Hey, at least no paternity claims this time."

Asking Mom about credit limit...

Mom: "Son, it's good thing you asked, not letting pride get in the way."

Ryan: "Wait...what? Ohhhh, 'cuz men are stupid and prideful?"

Mom: (sighs) "Yeah."

Ryan: "Then why'd you marry one?"

Mom: "Well...you know....it's because I was desperate."

TMI. ALL THE TIME.

Some bro makes small talk

In class...

Brah: "I made out with a chick 2 nights ago."

Ryan: "Oh well, I made out with myself last night. You know, the imaginary me is quite the machine."

#GetAwayYouScum

Wine tasting with Mom + Buzz shopping

At San Antonio Winery.....trying out a Madonna Riesling.....

Ryan: "If we ever go to a bar together, this is probably as close as it gets."

At Ontario Mills...

Ryan: "What are you looking for?"

Mom: "Something to keep me warm when I go back to Shanghai?"

Ryan: "How about this micro mini skirt? Hey, you like what I got?"

Mom: "Eh......"

Ryan: "Not so much?"

Mom: "It looks okay." (shakes her head)

Ryan: "Yea, well...you don't look that great either." 

Good times.

At Owen's Bistro, Chino's biggest secret

I've been busy and this night has been one of very few nights I get to have dinner with my parents nowadays. Nevertheless, we had a blast. Let me fill you in...


Mom: "This place is really nice. We might as well celebrate Valentine's tonight."

Ryan: "Sure why not. You two got engaged PREMATURELY. Might as well!"

Ask my parents for that story. ;)

=====================================================
Dad: "Ryan, would you consider moving to China with us?"

Mom: (interrupts, teases) "Why? He putting a lot of effort to get rid of us!"

Ryan: (scuffs) "Yea, all of my life's work."

At the Upland German Deli, a favorite part of town

Chit-chatting with Kristine and Edward, the owners, and I found out that they live one block away from me 

Ryan: “Hey, I live there too! You know, near the open fields and happy cows. The nearby prison is looking pretty good too!”

Reading the label on a bottle of L'il Critter Gummy Vites...

Ryan: "Parents may give each child up to two L'il Critter Gummy Vites per day. Can I have one?"

Mom: "You're not a child!"

Ryan: "Oh, so it's for you?"

To a fervent volunteer of a spiritual, recycling association

A coworker spots empty water bottles, a developing hoard, on my desk…

Margaret: “Ryan, I’ve been meaning to ask you if I could recycle those bottles for you.”

Ryan: “Oh, I recycle…in piles.” (When there’s no room left for them on my desk.)

Margaret: “I mean like I have a new use for them…repurposing. I can give them back to you tomorrow.”

(I didn’t care to ask about it but rather concede my selfish urge to dump my crap on her by replying…)

Ryan: “Oh, just keep them! They’re not very…uh…uhhhhh….personal…to me.”

Part 2

James: "Is it rape if you liked it?"

Ryan: "I dunno. Maybe you should write a children's book about it."