Some bro makes small talk

In class...

Brah: "I made out with a chick 2 nights ago."

Ryan: "Oh well, I made out with myself last night. You know, the imaginary me is quite the machine."

#GetAwayYouScum

Wine tasting with Mom + Buzz shopping

At San Antonio Winery.....trying out a Madonna Riesling.....

Ryan: "If we ever go to a bar together, this is probably as close as it gets."

At Ontario Mills...

Ryan: "What are you looking for?"

Mom: "Something to keep me warm when I go back to Shanghai?"

Ryan: "How about this micro mini skirt? Hey, you like what I got?"

Mom: "Eh......"

Ryan: "Not so much?"

Mom: "It looks okay." (shakes her head)

Ryan: "Yea, well...you don't look that great either." 

Good times.

At Owen's Bistro, Chino's biggest secret

I've been busy and this night has been one of very few nights I get to have dinner with my parents nowadays. Nevertheless, we had a blast. Let me fill you in...


Mom: "This place is really nice. We might as well celebrate Valentine's tonight."

Ryan: "Sure why not. You two got engaged PREMATURELY. Might as well!"

Ask my parents for that story. ;)

=====================================================
Dad: "Ryan, would you consider moving to China with us?"

Mom: (interrupts, teases) "Why? He putting a lot of effort to get rid of us!"

Ryan: (scuffs) "Yea, all of my life's work."

At the Upland German Deli, a favorite part of town

Chit-chatting with Kristine and Edward, the owners, and I found out that they live one block away from me 

Ryan: “Hey, I live there too! You know, near the open fields and happy cows. The nearby prison is looking pretty good too!”

Reading the label on a bottle of L'il Critter Gummy Vites...

Ryan: "Parents may give each child up to two L'il Critter Gummy Vites per day. Can I have one?"

Mom: "You're not a child!"

Ryan: "Oh, so it's for you?"

To a fervent volunteer of a spiritual, recycling association

A coworker spots empty water bottles, a developing hoard, on my desk…

Margaret: “Ryan, I’ve been meaning to ask you if I could recycle those bottles for you.”

Ryan: “Oh, I recycle…in piles.” (When there’s no room left for them on my desk.)

Margaret: “I mean like I have a new use for them…repurposing. I can give them back to you tomorrow.”

(I didn’t care to ask about it but rather concede my selfish urge to dump my crap on her by replying…)

Ryan: “Oh, just keep them! They’re not very…uh…uhhhhh….personal…to me.”